For A Happiness Boost, Let People Surprise You!

It’s so easy to think you know how a new person will be. Or that you already know everything about someone you’re familiar with. But really, you don’t know. And the only way to get to know someone properly is to really be there when you’re there; to listen, to be curious and to let things unfold...

It’s not as easy as it sounds, I know. But, if you turn up to a dinner, a meeting or a family function with a crummy view about someone, it’s going to be hard to shake. Your bias is there and you’ll want to confirm it. It feels good! But… it feels even better to be pleasantly surprised (and sometimes even relieved).

Here are some ways to connect with people and let them surprise you.

Be your best self

When you have a conversation with an open heart and mind it’s likely your unique personality strengths will shine through and increase your chance of connecting with someone. To prime yourself for a social encounter you’re not excited about, try to remember a time when someone surprised you, when you really got it wrong. That person might now be one of your mates! Smile about it, see the irony and harness your humility. This might help you to approach an interaction more positively and actually create a better experience.

Let the one-offs (or so) go

You might experience someone on a Very Bad Day for them. Just like your own thoughts and feelings, they’re pretty rocky road for everyone else too. Perhaps someone did make a poor first impression or even offended you last time. But, you can be sure you’ve also made a less-than-epic first impression on occasion and have probably unintentionally offended someone too. Remembering your shared humanity, strengths and weaknesses, can help soften the blow if someone treats your poorly – and preserve your precious energy. If someone is consistently unpleasant (and you’re able to), perhaps try to limit the contact you have with them and instead appreciate and spend time with the great people in your life. Maybe you could reframe the crummy encounters as resilience-building experiences. And, if you can, create some comedy out of it so you can entertain your friends. ;)

Find any connection

Is there someone in your life whose temperament and values are quite different to yours? That’s definitely one of those ‘it is what it is’ situations. So, see if you can redirect the focus to any similar interests. Do you both love a certain show, follow the tennis or enjoy sweet treats? Find the connections and bring them into your conversations for nice moments and to boost your relationship. You might also be surprised to learn you find some of the same things funny or share a tendency to see things practically. With people who you don’t naturally connect with, what can you learn from their knowledge, their life experience, their perspective? It can be really helpful to remember that everyone has something to teach us.